Harry McKay has bravely opened up on how terrified he felt as his mental health hit what he has described as a very “dark place”.

Speaking for the first time since Carlton announced their star would be taking an indefinite leave of absence for personal reasons, McKay joined his brother Ben for a profound and emotional conversation on how he is dealing with his challenges.

As he prepares to return for Carlton in their showdown with West Coast at Gather Round this weekend, McKay addressed the stigmas and irrational feelings he has had to overcome in order to feel like himself again.

“It’s lovely to be in a place to talk and shed light on a challenging time,” he said on the Ben and Harry podcast.

“In late February, I started feeling in not a great place mentally and the most challenging part of that is me feeling I shouldn’t have felt the way I was.

"Everything in my life was in a great place, I love my teammates so much, I have a beautiful loving partner and family. Everything was in a great place which is why it was scary knowing that it didn’t make sense; it was irrational to feel like that.

"As it progressed I felt like I had to put on a façade and pretend to be ok when I wasn’t. That was hard as a male, as someone who would hang their hat on being stoic and pushing through.

“It got to a place where I had to put my hand up and say I needed help.”

ASKING FOR HELP

In March, McKay was a late withdrawal from Carlton’s clash with Hawthorn with the club citing illness as the reason. Just days later, coach Michael Voss confirmed that he would be taking an indefinite leave of absence.

Putting his hand up and asking for help was one of the biggest obstacles, according to McKay, who wanted to share his experience with mental health in a bid to reach others.

“Feeling in a place where I was really blue, not myself, but feeling I had to put on a façade it reached a tipping point which was really scary,” he added. “It got to a stage that the only option I had (was to put my hand up and say I’m not OK).

“We can try and be stoic and push through and that’s how I’m wired and it was so irrational, on paper it made no sense. The more I did (push through) the worse I felt. The moment I did that (asked for help), the support has been so beautiful.

“It’s blown me away how loving everyone has been. I know there might be people listening to this that are in similar situations, knowing that so many people care about you makes the world of difference.”

With so many positives in his life, McKay said the start of the footy season added to his confusion and played a part in what he described as mental health spirals.

“The start of the footy season is such an exciting time,” he said. “With every domain being in a great place and the things that bring you joy usually not doing that, this contributed to feeling really confused and spiralling.

“Something I’ve learnt through this process is that the domains of life – playing footy, being with teammates, inspiring kids – they’re the hardest things to do when you’re in a dark place.

“When you feel at your worst the things you love are the hardest thing to do.”

FEELING THE LOVE

McKay made numerous references to just how blown away he has felt by the outpouring of love from his friends, family, footy club and fans.

Having initially been sceptical of people’s judgements, McKay said once he opened up to people, a weight was lifted.

“The thought might be that they’d love to have you out playing but the care for me has been so profound,” he continued. Sometimes there’s footy and sometimes there’s life.

“How much my teammates have wrapped their arms around me and given so much support, I’ve been blown away.

“There's often a perception of being unsure how people will be (with it) there’s always hesitation to how people might react.

“Speaking about it is a weight off my shoulders. I’m grateful; to be in a better place. I’m happy to have a smile on my face again.”

McKay played for Carlton’s VFL side last weekend – a move he said helped him tick things off a list to feeling back to his best.

A BROTHER'S VIEW

His brother, Essendon defender Ben, meanwhile shed light on how difficult it had been to watch Harry’s struggles from the side.

“It was extremely scary to see you in the state that you were,” Ben said.

“It was hard to see someone you love to go through what you were. The ability for you to speak about it is easier said than done and for you to action that is a credit to you.

“There's a stigma around pushing through.

“On behalf of everyone that knows you we’re extremely proud of you. You’re an inspiration for a lot of people for doing this.”